


You’ll be okay

by dimasilaw



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, I did not proofread this at all, Kanata and Shinobu are father and son, Kanata has Tourette’s, or he at least suspects it, so does Shinobu, too much joy flowed in my brain. could not grammar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24588259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimasilaw/pseuds/dimasilaw
Summary: Shinobu sees a neurologist and turns to Kanata for support and a hand to hold.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	You’ll be okay

“A-and what if they judge me, de gozaru?”

Shinobu is shaking in the middle of the neurologist’s empty, bright waiting room right next to the glass coffee table strewn with magazines and drink stains. Tears bubble up in his eyes and course their way down his peach-fuzzed cheeks. His nails dig into his elbows, picking at the hems of his hoodie. 

Kanata crouches down and runs his tender hand through Shinobu’s silky purple hair. “‘Trust’ me...I am quite ‘used’ to judgement.” He shakes his head and flaps his arms up and down slowly. Sprayed by the cool, white light from the bulb above, he walks over and pats the soft blue couch next to them, motioning for Shinobu to sit down.

The blue-haired boy sits cross-legged on the couch as Shinobu stands in his place, artificially still. His limbs look uncomfortably straight. “Y-yes, you are. But what if I go to a neurologist just to find out something I don’t want to know?”

Kanata bobs his head calmly from side to side, hands folded in his lap. He worries for Shinobu, though he knows this was what he was like at some point. Things are different now. He would have needed some guidance by someone who knew his troubles then, and he must do the same for Shinobu now. 

“So ‘what’ are you going to ‘do’? Pretend this isn’t a ‘problem’ until the ‘end’ of ‘time?... I ‘know’ you ‘know’ that’s nowhere near ‘right’.”

Shinobu frowns, furrows his brows so deep it looks like he’ll pop a vein, and shakes his head so emphatically that his hair generates air like an electric fan. He looks down, balling his fists by his side. They tremble like leaves in the wind. His bangs fall over his face. His entire body is shaking. He looks up, shaking the hair out of his face, and sits down next to Kanata, stretching his fleece-covered legs out to the side. “I know what you mean, de gozaru. And I’m really tired of suppressing it when I don’t want to. But I’m scared of finding out something bad.”

Kanata puts a tender hand over Shinobu’s small, curved ear and lays his head on his lap, stroking his hair with a smooth hand. The silence is comforting. Shinobu’s body shifts and he faces up on Kanata’s lap, staring him in the eye. Kanata can feel his little body is stiff, and not naturally so. He’s forcing it and holding it in.

“There’s no ‘need’ to suppress it around ‘me’, you know...I ‘know’ where you’re ‘coming’ from. It is ‘okay’ to need help.” Kanata brushes Shinobu’s hair out of the way, holding it with his hand, and presses a caring, fatherly kiss to his forehead. “You ‘shouldn’t’ fear people...judging ‘you’. That’s their ‘business’. Wouldn’t you ‘prefer’ to live ‘knowing’ why you move and make sounds the ‘way’ you do? Instead of ‘being’ clueless?”

“I-I get what you mean,” Shinobu murmurs, shifting around positions. Kanata can tell the fabric on his slacks feels good to Shinobu. He knows the black from Shinobu’s hoodie will leave little threads and be difficult to wash out, but he doesn’t mind. “It’s just—intimidating, de gozaru.”

“I ‘understand’ that.” He smiles wide, softening his gaze. He tries his best to be reassuring. The fabric of the couch under him is scratchy. “I was ‘you’ once...I ‘didn’t’ know why I moved this way. Why I made those sounds that meant ‘nothing’ in ‘particular’. But it is a ‘relief’ to know ‘why’. I ‘suspect’ we have the same ‘problem’—but we ‘can’t’ be sure. That’s why we’re making you ‘see’ someone.”

The room is quiet. The tiled floor is shining especially bright, laminated by light. The only noises are the jingling of wind chimes and the slow, rhythmic tapping of Kanata’s feet on the floor. But Kanata and Shinobu are alone. Kanata knows the silence is killing his “son” (adopted unofficially, as part of Ryuseitai, anyway).

So he adds a quick followup in a hushed voice. He’s tearing up himself, but he sniffs (voluntarily) and pretends he isn’t. “Just ‘know’ I accept you. I would ‘never’ judge ‘you’ for the way you ‘move’. This isn’t ‘something’ you ‘choose’... that is ‘why’ they are ‘called’ involuntary ‘movements’. You haven’t done ‘anything’. You’re only ‘trying’ your ‘best.”

Shinobu sits upright, his hair dishevelled from lying down on Kanata’s lap. He brushes his hair over his eye as it usually is. His arm jerks, and so does his leg, but he smiles. He shrugs and leans on Kanata’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “Yeah, you’re right. Thank you, de gozaru.”

“I ‘love’ you, son~” 

“I love you too...dad.”

Kanata opens his arms out wide for Shinobu to dive into. And he does. Shinobu wraps his arms around Kanata’s lacy polo, and digs his head tighter into his chest. Kanata grins. His heart is fluttering and screaming. If he can comfort a scared Shinobu awaiting a neurologist’s diagnosis, then he’s done his job as a father. Kanata pats Shinobu on the back, rubbing his hand up and down and caressing Shinobu’s small back.

Shinobu pulls away. He wipes a few tears away from his eye, and Kanata looks back at him, hands holding onto Shinobu’s. He puts on his determined face, with his brows furrowed and his mouth curved into a slight smile. 

“You’ll be ‘okay’. You’re ‘okay.’”

“I’ll be okay,” he whimpers through tears. “I’m okay.”

A door creaks open. “Sengoku? The neuro will see you know.”

Shinobu stands up and holds his arm out for Kanata. Dad has to come to the appointment too. Kanata grips his hand tightly and stands up, and they walk toward the only door they see. He squeezes Shinobu’s hand one last time.

“You’re ‘okay’.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this. I don’t have much to say but DO sign petitions and join online and offline protests relating to the Philippines’ Anti-Terror Bill and the US’ BLM movement. Please donate to TS and tic disorder organisations when you can.


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